FRIDAY FUNNIES

No Excuse Sunday

To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."

There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.

Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.

We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."

Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.

Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.

Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.

We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.

One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.

The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.

We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!

Author is Unknown

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FRIDAY FUNNIES

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

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FRIDAY FUNNIES

(I deleted my original FF post because I just felt that that cartoon clip was more sad and true, than funny).

After being away on business for a week before the Christmas Holiday, Bob thought it would be nice to bring his wife a gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics woman at the Department Store. So, she showed him a bottle of $50 perfume.

"That's a bit much," said Bob. The woman then returned with a smaller bottle costing $30.

Bob complained, "That’s still a lot of money."

Growing disgusted, the woman brought out her smallest little bottle of $15 perfume.

Bob grew even more restless and replied, "No no… What I mean is I'd like to see something really cheap!"

So the clerk handed him a mirror!!

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FRIDAY FUNNIES

What a great way to end a long week....with a LAUGH! I love to CRACK UP BIG TIME, so this is right up my alley! To read more Friday Funnies, click here to go to Homesteaders Heart.

A Sure Cure

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.

One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.

I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic.
I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...
Haven't seen one back since!!!"

FRIDAY FUNNIES

I see this meme every Friday and it always makes me laugh. So, I decided to join in on the fun! To read more FF, click here.

Prayers

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running
as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.

As she ran she prayed,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb
and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.
She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.

As she ran she once again began to pray,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either."